Many people are quick to consider love as complicated, or at the very least, consider it “sometimes complicated.” Suffice it to say that part of love’s complications stem from the fact that it can be challenging when the person you love doesn’t feel the same way, or when they do, but your relationship fails to take off.
Love also appears complicated because it takes different forms, and you might not immediately recognize which type of love you’re feeling.
You might be in the grip of the herculean task of deciphering your feelings and trying to identify exactly which type of love you feel. but we’re here to help.
Keep reading to learn more about how to tell these related, but still uniquely different, experiences apart.
How we love
Love doesn’t always look the same. Sometimes, it progresses through specific stages.
The first flicker of love, when you fall head over heels for someone, often seems more like infatuation, complete with plenty of excitement and nervousness. And is it mutual? The euphoric bliss many people experience can keep you and your partner completely wrapped up in each other. Over time, that just-fell-in-love feeling often transforms into something less charged, but more stable and lasting.
Higher-than-usual levels of hormones, drive the intensity of these early feelings. Eventually, these surging feelings often settle into a deeper affection with the help of oxytocin, a hormone that plays a role in attachment.
What does being in love mean?
Maybe you fall for someone you just met, but you eventually realize the first blush of love has tinted your view. Once the first intensity fades, your feelings begin to wither without taking root.
You can also develop romantic love without experiencing euphoric, heart-pounding excitement. Someone who falls for their best friend, for example, might notice their long-standing platonic love become more romantic and sexually charged almost overnight.
And, of course, the love you feel for friends, or platonic love, can still run pretty deep — even though it doesn’t involve any romantic or sexual attraction.
How do you know when you’re in love?
People often talk about love as if everyone experiences it in the same way, but life experiences and relationship history can alter the course of “typical” romantic attraction.
If you’ve experienced relationship abuse or betrayal, you might feel cautious about letting your guard down again. This could temper the feelings of euphoria and impulsivity that often accompany the first stages of love.
In short, while there’s no single way to fall in love, you’ll probably notice a few key physical and emotional signs:
Your thoughts return to them regularly
Maybe you frequently think back to your last interaction or plan your next meeting. You want to tell them about your experiences every day: the great, the awful, and the ordinary. If they’re having a hard time, you may worry about their difficulties and brainstorm ways to help.
When spending time with family and friends, you might talk about them a lot and imagine how much your loved ones will like them, too.
You feel safe with them
Trust is generally a key component of love. If you’ve experienced relationship trauma or heartbreak before, you might assign particular importance to this sense of emotional safety. When you see them, you might notice your tension relaxes, in much the same way as it does when you return home after a long day.
It’s normal to want to protect yourself from pain. Feeling safe enough with someone to trust them with your personal weaknesses or vulnerabilities often suggests developing love.
Life feels more exciting
The rush of hormones associated with love can make everything seem more exciting, particularly when you know you’ll see them soon. Time might seem to fly by when you’re together and crawl like a turtle after they leave.
You might even notice renewed energy and interest in the mundane things you do every day. Folding laundry? Taking a walk? So much more fun when you’re in love (especially when they’re nearby).
You want to spend a lot of time together
Loving someone often means wanting to spend plenty of time with them, so you might find yourself craving their company more than ever before.
You might leave their company feeling somewhat unsatisfied as if the time you spent together wasn’t enough. You may not care much about what you do together, simply that you are together. Another key sign? Your interest in spending time with them doesn’t depend on their mood or energy level. Even when they feel sad, cranky, or frustrated with life, you still want to show up and offer support.
You feel a little jealous of other people in their life
Jealousy is an emotion like any other. Generally speaking, it’s what you do with jealousy that matters. Talking about your feelings never hurts, but you might want to skip the digital snooping and social media stakeout. When you love someone, you might fixate on the other people they spend time with and wonder about their relationship with each other, or worry about potential threats to your love, such as an attractive co-worker they mention regularly or an old flame who’s still part of their life. Generally speaking, these worries tend to fade as trust develops.
You feel compassion for them
When you’re in love with someone, you’ll start to develop strong compassion for them. The powerful urge to be connected to this person brings new aspects to your relationships, such as emotional or physical intimacy, passion, and a desire to know everything about them, and be known by them in return.
You may also find yourself wanting to take care of or be cared for by your partner.
